Holding Pattern
by StatsGrandma57
Summary: Leia takes a leave of absence to find Han. Luke's in there. Leia's POV. Takes place between ESB and ROTJ.


HOLDING PATTERN

He was put into carbonite.

My lover, my friend, and very possibly, my life.

Lando has promised that he will find Han. I'm still furious with him, and I still don't trust him. At least Chewie's with him. Chewie will move all of the heavens to find Han. And I suppose if Lando tries anything unsavory, Chewie WILL kill him.

I tell myself, they'll find him. He will return to me. I have to hold on to that. There's not much else I can hold on to at this point.

I try to throw myself into my work. There's so much to be done. We are nowhere near defeating the Empire. We've lost so much blood and treasure in so many battles. Everyone is needed, and their full attention is required.

Instead, my attention is elsewhere. I'm barely functional. I try to keep my feelings hidden. I try to do what I can, but whenever I'm not working, which is rare, I'm in my quarters, crying. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in I don't know how long. Nothing new there, but it's getting to where I'm afraid to leave my post, afraid to be alone with the agony of not being with Han. I've dozed off while working, but that's about the only sleep I ever get, and when I do said dozing, inevitably, General Riekkan and Mon Mothma order me back to my quarters. It's the last place I can tolerate.

I'm in my quarters now. I've been instructed to take 24 hours off. I sit, quietly, trying not to let the tears start up again. Instead, I focus on what it is I need to do to change this situation.

The answer becomes clear to me: I need to find him.

I know that I made a commitment to the Alliance. I don't like breaking my commitments, and I don't want to do anything that would even remotely appear disloyal.

But I have found, in the midst of war, that I have a personal obligation. I have given myself over to love, and I have to do whatever I need to in order to find Han Solo.

I bring up my datapad. Han survived the freezing process, but who's to say if he'll continue to be alive. I look up carbonite freezing.

Carbonite freezing, much to my relief, is almost never fatal. Hibernation sickness is the result of being freed from the carbonite, and it rarely lasts more than a day. It can cause deafness and/or blindness, muscle weakness, numbness, or hypersensitivity. Those go away. But my heart sinks as I read on. It's entirely possible that Han could wake up and not know who he is, or who I am. That has the potential to be permanent.

It's a risk. It's a risk, though, that I must take.

I decide that come morning, I will meet with General Riekkan and Mon Mothma. I know they won't be pleased, but my head is finally clear as to what I must do.

I actually manage to get some decent sleep.

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"I suppose you're wondering why I asked to meet with both of you," I say to Mon Mothma and General Riekkan. Both look at me sternly.

"Yes. Do speak," Mon Mothma says crisply.

I look straight ahead at both of them. "I'm taking a leave of absence."

They stare at me as if I've lost my mind. I may have, but my mission is clear.

"Leia, we've lost so many. We need everyone on board," Mon Mothma protests.

"We do, but it's not been lost on me that you're somewhere else," General Riekkan says, not smiling. "Does this have to do with Captain Solo?"

"Yes, it does." I am surprisingly calm as I say it. "I need to find him."

Both are silent.

"I don't know how long it's going to take," I add.

"Leia, I can't possibly authorize this," Mon Mothma says, her gaze unsmiling. "You're going off on a wild goose chase to look for some...criminal that you seem to think you're in love with."

"I don't think. I am in love with Han Solo." I will not back down from this.

"Leia, you're from a royal family. Royals do not chase smugglers all over the galaxy."

"Yes, most of them end up in loveless marriages for political expediency." I hadn't meant to mouth off like that, but that's how it came out. Mon Mothma glares at me.

"What will you do if he doesn't survive the freezing or, if he does, that he'll know who you are?" General Riekkan says to me.

"It's a risk, but I'm willing to take it."

Mon Mothma shakes her head. "Leia, there are so many depending upon you. You need to rethink this."

"I have. I'm going to leave."

"He's not a respectable person, Leia."

It would appear that General Riekkan was not going to agree with her.

"Solo may be a smartass and a royal pain, but he's a good leader and fighter. And it's quite obvious he cares about you."

"Carlist, please! This is insanity!" Mon Mothma begins pacing.

"With or without authorization, I am going to look for him until I find him."

"I'm going to allow it," General Riekkan told Mon Mothma.

"I can't in good conscience support this," Mon Mothma tells him. "It's a fool's errand."

"Leia, I wish you wouldn't do this," General Riekkan says to me. "But I understand your wishes. When do you plan to depart?"

"As soon as possible, sir."

"General, I do not appreciate your deciding on your own - "

"There's a transport leaving tomorrow for supplies. You may go with them," the general tells me. He looks at Mon Mothma. "This meeting is over. Good luck, Leia."

I depart without another word.

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"You sure this is a good idea?" Luke asks me as I pack. "This could be dangerous."

"We've been in danger for years now," I remind him. "I have to do this, Luke."

He's quiet for a moment. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

"Luke, I love you dearly, and you're a good friend. I appreciate your concern. But I don't shy away from things just because they're dangerous. You should know that by now."

Luke looks as if he wants to say something about my responsibilities to the Alliance, but he has the grace to keep it to himself.

"You love him," Luke finally says at last.

"I love him, and I'm in love with him."

Luke simply nods. "I guess I'm not all that surprised."

I look at him again, studying his face.

"His intentions are honorable." Luke smiles, as if he understands the irony of what he just said. "His feelings are strong for you."

"It goes both ways."

"I just can't help but worry," Luke admits. "Lando said he would contact us once he found Han. We've heard nothing."

"Which is why I have to go. I will not remain in a holding pattern while he's out there, suffering."

I finish packing. Luke puts his arms around me.

"Promise me this," he says quietly. "Please contact me once you know of his location. I'll help you, Leia."

"You would do that for me?"

"Yes, I would. You're like family to me, Leia. And so is Han."

"I need to get to my transport."

"Let me walk you there." He picks up my baggage and we head for the transport hangars. We walk in silence, but it's a comfortable silence.

"I'll see you soon," I promise Luke.

"Yes, you will. And Leia?"

"Yes?"

"May the Force be with you."


End file.
